I hate writing on my blog now.

I hate writing now beccause its sort of a mandatory project now. I rememebr when 750 words was fun and suddenly I feel like I'm punished for missing a few days because of reality. Or whatever. I dont know what to say without planning, but I'm goign to write what I had as a resignation to writing ever again for this Reverb 10 project.

First, I'm ashamed to say that I'm planning on leaving this project alone. It wasn't until I got home today from an errand that it came to me that this wasn't going to be good for me. All the dwelling on the past. I don't think it was at all worth it. This year at least. In fact beccause of this year, I refuse to look at any other part of my timeline aside from the past 3 months and what I see coming in the future.

I honestly thought that working on this project would be a form of therapy for me. Cathartic, a word I hate thanks to this year, is a good way to describe how I imagined I would possibly feel thanks to this writing. I remembered hearing about a man who wrote every day of his life and said each journal entry was a letter to God. A confessional. I don't want to confess to anything anymore. I'm through with reflecting on my past like somethign incredible happened way back in January. I incredibly wrong.

I think maybe, I enjoyed allowing this pain out because it got me a lot of attention. For the first time in a long time, my blog had viewers. Not dedicated followers, but I was doing my best and all that jazz. I, in a strange way, felt like I was communicating with people.  I enjoyed watching as readers from London and South Korea stopped by and I felt awesome.

But this year, cannot be talked about anymore. I'd rather not talk about a lot of things from my past anymore. I got out of my car laughing and suddenly I start crying. I'm reading a newspaper and I'm tired and the next thing I want to do is cry. I'm crying all the time and this reflecting stuff isn't helping anything. And the posts... they feel like things I honestly cant and wont answer.

I know how this sounds and I do not hate the REVERB team or REVERB10. I love the concept and success. I just feel so frustrated that I cannot and will not participate any lon